1. For every mile you run on trails, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.
2. The only reason you took up trail running was to hear heavy breathing again.
3. I have to run early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
4. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
5. The advantage to trail running every day is that you die healthier
6. If you are going to take up cross-country running, it helps to start with a small country.

You are a trail runner if. . .

• pizza, pasta, pizza, and pasta are your four food groups
• even your dress shoes get good traction on dirt and rocks
• you think track is for pansies
• your room smells like Icy-Hot and New-Skin
• you feel naked without a water bottle
• you debate the advantages of anti-perspirent vs. deodorant.
• your spit hits everything but the ground
• your body fat analysis results come back negative
• you foam at the mouth when you see big hills
• you combine phrases like “10 mile run” and “Easy run” in the same breath
• you plan dates according to your running schedule
• you run to the races you are going to run in
• your Christmas list includes more than one pair of running shoes
• you wear fewer clothes than Madonna
  

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